LOVE KNOWS NO DISTANCE OR BOUNDS

My husband Brian has just had a traumatic operation. I love and miss him so much.

I am so very fortunate to have him,my daughter and grandchildren in my life. My daughter recently gave birth this month to my second grandchild and I feel so blessed despite knowing my lymph nodes have metasized into my breast and into another part of my body.

My husband is at Papworth after having his chest opened up to operate on. The Lord YHWH through his son YESHUA MESSIAH have heard my prayers and blessed me with his life. I love them above all else and they know it but my earth family including my parents are gifted to me to express my love but my love for YHWH & YESHUA MESSIAH is so much greater and they know what we need even if we do not know what we require

They know our needs and wants even before we do...They know our thoughts and feelings before we speak them. We must always seek out their love and even if we do not know their plans for us and we feel we do not understand. They know our strengths and weakness like I am ill and need my earthly family and despite all three having had heart surgery. They have given them back to me knowing that I am going to need them all the more for the trial I am going to endure and I have to trust that Their will is the Divine will and YESHUA MESSIAH goes to YHWH on our behalf securing our prescence through Divine Love that is not yet understood here on Earth. I am blessed with the GREATEST LOVE OF ALL that can only be felt if you give your love and life to them completely. YOU ARE NOT WORSHIPPING SATAN as others would have you to believe. I was given a vision that most of you have been deceived. YHWH (OUR HEAVENLY FATHER) AND YESHUA MESSIAH (CHRIST JESUS AND CHRIST OUR LORD) we are taught to fear as they only turn their back on us when we reject them. Satan is real and the deceiver and will do anything to capture the souls of the chosen if were possible.

Love knows no distance or bounds and we must forgive those who trespass against us ( those who do us wrong)and we must forgive ourselves and ask for forgiveness from those whom we have trespassed against even if not aware.

Love those who do you wrong and THEY will love you more.

Love is out of Satan's hands and is more powerful than he is and LOVE encompasses many sins and brings us sinners closer to THEM.

The photo is of our tenth wedding anniversary. The woman laughing in the photo was plotting to get us evicted and claimed we turned on her. She lied and schemed with her family to get us evicted and she plotted from this day to get us evicted so she could have our china cabinets. I sat "Good for her and I forgive you".  She was given that forgiveness by means that only her and I know how. I can't take those cabinets with me and she will only have them for a little while. She was 65 when this was taken and she is almost 70 now. I do not care if she slanders us as I care for her salvation which I fear she has rejected.

You must love the transgressor or transgressors. However, THEY will use her without her knowing to serve them and to save her soul before her end is near.

I love all of you but I love YHWH & YESHUA MESSIAH MORE. They will bless you if you turn to them.

WHEN THOSE YOU LOVE ARE ILL

My husband was recently diagnosed with angina.  He came over bad while visiting me at the care home. I sensed something was wrong and suspected a heart attack.

The following Wednesday, he got taken into hospital with a confirmed diagnosis of a heart attack. As his wife;needless to say, I was in tears.

I have been his only visitor to see him at the hospital besides the chaplain.  There was one other who saw him before me and she attacked the staff. Brian was put in CORONARY CARE UNIT a couple of days later. He does not blame his visitor. However, I reserve my doubts on that one. So as I am his wife they would only allow me to see him.

He was sent to PAPWORTH hospital.
He was then found to need a triple bypass,as confirmed by the Norfolk and Norwich University hospital. I could not be with him. I used up my resources as I am in a Care Home to ring him and give him comfort.

Brian had his operation yesterday. I was worried sick about him the whole time. I felt like I was the only one who cared about my beloved husband. The man who cares about people like I do.

I had support off of residents and staff but nothing from those whom he cared about. He knows how I have been feeling but to the others not a peep asking if I had heard from him and about how he was after the operation. Brian has told them only communication from me.

The one who attacked the nurses even he was worried about her more than she was him. She actually thought he was not ill even when the nurses tried to tell her. When I text her to let her know how he is and how he was feeling. I got accused of attacking her leaving me with regret about updating her when he was concerned about her.

Now he will get nasty texts about me on his phone upsetting my husband whom he thought regarded him as a brother. He does not need her attacking me because she read my texts wrong.

Again, I regret texting her at all if she is going to keep perceiving my texts as attacks. My husband does not need it and neither do I.

My husband was concerned about her and so am I despite how ill we are and how ill he has been. I am having pain under my arms and under my right breast. Some of the lymph nodes are hard so I am quite ill and have CKD2/3 and Spastic Paraplegia and did have CLL on my notes and three nodes found in my right breast. I do not complain but must inform my carers.

I am fortunate in that I am in a good care home with caring staff who think a lot of me and my husband.

My faith in YHWH and YESHUA MESSIAH has got me through this more than anybody.

BAD NEWS IS NOT ALWAYS BAD

I found out today that I have a severe UTI and now I may have bowel cancer and my husband had to have a heart trace. Despite Brian and I being forced to live apart our love is as strong as ever.

We may be under seperate rooves but our hearts beat the same song. The judge and barrister were wicked with what they done to my husband and myself.

I put my trust and faith in the Lord who sacrificed for our salvation. He put himself on the cross was tortured and never blamed His Father,our Heavenly Father and took it for all our sins and our salvation.

No matter how bad things are; or when they go bad just remember that YHWH gave us His son in the flesh to bear up all our sins and was resurrected in glory and ascended to come again soon to live with us and that day is coming.

One in every ten people is going to be able to afford a mortgage. The rest will be homeless like Brian and myself and those other nine householders are going to lose more than just property but if you keep your eye on Him then He will give you comfort and grace and your faith will strengthen you.

BAD NEWS DAY AT THE DOCTOR'S

I found out that I may have cancer as I am highly aneamic.  I have found out that there are problems with my pancreas and liver. I have to have regular blood tests according to the doctor at the hospital. Staff here have received a letter from the hospital too.

The head of care told me I could come up to my room. Where I have all my wool beads and patterns to crochet and my television,laptop and tablet. These are just things to occupy my mind.

What I want is to be with my husband and enjoy what time we have left together. I am more interested in going out with our cameras. The 9th of August,we are having a Blessing and renewing our vows and asking for volunteers to use our cameras. I still have another project to do for my husband for our 15th wedding anniversary on the 14th August 2014.

I have been severely depressed too. I have it on several levels. I read that other Biblical figures suffered with it too. I know the LORD'S will; will be done.

I have been blessed but I am upset that I get full quickly and food is left on my plate when there are people starving.

I am watching people I love slowly dying.  There is one in particular;who first attacked me like my former neighbour bringing me to tears. However,we became and are friends. I have come to love her dearly and I have seen her deterioate dramatically, since Christmas. However,when she first came here a year and a half ago-she was full of life. She was always singing and dancing. She brought life to the care home.

I know she won't be here in a few months time. The head of care could see how much it was hurting me to see her deterioate and I was not well myself.

I got up to my room and spent time texting my husband on the other side of the city. I am lost without my other half of me,whom is the better half of me. It is cruel what has been done to us and we need to be together. Social Services are looking to get me a social worker. They are looking to get us into sheltered housing. However,a judge gave us illegal ASBO"s and they were given to stop us from being rehoused. However,the judge mistakenly said;"Social Services must never find out what has happened in this court room;"

Now,they know,I told them. I opened up and told them that I want to be with my husband and I told them the truth what I remembered was said in court and the judge agreed.

What happens now;I do not know but I do know that no matter how bad things are that as long as you believe in the LORD and HIS SON that where a door closes;a window opens somewhere else.

I do not go to sleep straight away. I can't sleep. I find it hard to sleep. When I do sleep; I am upset that I did not say my prayers.

I feel at times that I could have done more. I have to crochet three roses for three of the residents. I just have to uplift myself. These new antidepressants take time to get into the system. I just know I need them to start working now. I just want to get back my energy. My husband is the same. We are concerned for the other homeless in the city and the numbers are increasing. My former neighbour acted like she cared for the homeless. She walked away when she knew that we knew this individual.

Please do not look away in disgust at the homeless. The next person could be you.  None of us are perfect and property does not mean a thing. What good is it when you are dead. I am trying to leave a part of myself and my husband behind.

In the vastness of it all; I know if I did not have the LORD AND HIS SON in my life then my life could have been a lot worse. All THEY ASK:LOVE THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART,ALL YOUR SOUL AND YOUR MIND AND YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF.
WHY? Because we are one through the salvation of the MESSIAH. When we look at another,we can see parts of ourselves.

YHWH and the MESSIAH,one who gave himself to live among mankind,who gave us salvation and giving us through His Glory the keys to eternal life. He sacrificed himself and to show how we must humble ourselves to the LORD.
His ressurection gave us salvation.
I believe in the Trinity of the FATHER SON AND HOLY GHOST. The three are individual but are one as we are all one.

DO NOT GIVE UP AND HAVE FAITH AND KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE

I know that life can be difficult and that you can feel that you are alone and can't bear what life has been giving you. I am here to tell you that do not lose hope and have faith. If you have Christ in your life then whatever comes at you then you will be redeemed.

Where your life has been turned upside down at the expense of another-then just know that there is somebody there to catch you, when you fall.

I have fallen many times in my life and have felt that I have caused the Lord to turn away from me. In fact, it is the opposite. When we are at our lowest then that is when he is closest to us. I ask the Lord to tell me what I must do and I pray. I then close my eyes and open the Bible and the scriptures are opened up to me. It is strange how no matter how many times I close my eyes that the Bible opens up to the relevant messages in the scripture that I need to know to get me through each and every day. 

I don't have to read the Bible daily, but keep his words emblazoned in my heart and in my head and know that Christ is the son of the most High and our Heavenly Father, whom is known by many names YHWH, ADONAI, JEHOVAH, ALLAH etc. If you are persecuted for believing in Christ know that we will be rewarded in Heaven and that our home is not here on Earth. That does not mean to take your life but just give your life over to the Lord and let him lead the way.

When I am reunited with my husband-we both are going to worship him together and along with somebody we consider to be family. We will go out and witness for him. Be glad if you are reviled like I have been for your love of the Lord and the scriptures. 

I am glad that I do not have cancer and that CLL was wrongfully placed in my notes in 2005. I do not fear what happens to me in this world. I know the Lord is with me in everything that I come across no matter how heavy that burden is. 

I AM SEEING THAT THE TRUTH IS WORKING IT'S WAY INTO OUR LIVES

Today is the 3rd of April and coming upon the most important time of the year. Remembering Christ's crucifixion and resurrection, which brought about our redemption.


I wish I had my own computer[s], as there would be so much that me and my family would do to spread the truth where truth is being denied. The last casualty of war is truth and that is no truer a word spoken; unfortunately, the last time I heard it said it came from somebody, who had lies spreading from his mouth to where you never knew if a truth came out of his mouth. However, that expression is probably the most truthful and only truthful words that the person in question knows.


This person loves destroying peoples' lives-it is wicked. He did not see people, but reward; or some satisfaction that to me makes no sense what so ever. You can not enjoy destroying people for your satisfaction that is sadistic. 


Anyway, Truth is it's own reward and in this case it is it's own reward. We are finding that our rights have been eroded in so many ways and it goes without saying that we have to hang onto our faith and the truth; and most of all put our trust in the Lord and we will overcome. 


Do not let anybody push you down-just stay calm and pray and sit back and watch His wonders to perform. Christ is not a myth, but a reality and we know that if we keep our eyes and hearts on Him then He will go to the Father and bring us the hope  that we need in our lives. We may not know where it comes from-just that it is so.

Remember why he was persecuted and like Christ-our faith was put on trial. I am not sure what it was; but it felt like the Bible and my belief was put on trial. It does not matter-my love for Him and the Father has never waned

When Precious Memories Are Taken Away From You

I have become overwhelmed with the people I love or have loved and they love me,but I hate that I do not remember them and embarrassed to say anything. 


I still know that I have feelings, but there are people, who are very important to me and I can't even remember how I am connected to them. I am on the care home computer using the internet to  trace memories of my life with my husband. 


I am in respite and looking for a home with my husband, but want it close to my 'sister' Mel, who is very important to me, and  I love so much-I love my husband, as a wife should love  her husband. However, Mel is a 'sister',as if, she was my own flesh and blood. My memories of her are like a collage of  photos blended together of where we have been there and saved  each other from very bad situations. I know if I were to lose her that it  would be like losing a member of my own familyhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/46328409@N02/6764222019/in/photostream. Here she is with Dolly prior  to  her death. She kept Dolly alive-I do not know how she did it, but she kept her alive for me till I got there to take her in arms and hold onto her, until she left this world to go to the next. Mel shared a special moment with Brian and I , which makes her very special to us, and  I would be lost without her. She can't imagine how much she means to the both of us. She means the world to the both of us, and  I have asked Dad to write to her, as she is the keeper of the remnants of our lives and without her-the loss of the rest of my memories. 


She literally is trusted with our lives and my life in particular with memories that are in tatters, and the internet, her and Brian and are the only things, along with the journals  that I write that keep my memories alive. 


Brian, my husband and Naomi, one of the carers have told me that I have memory lapses. In other words, some memories just do not stick too long without me writing them down. I remember things that I enjoy. However, besides my flesh and blood family and my daughter, Alicia-Mel is just about the only person,alongside Brian that is solid and is fresh in my mind. 


This blogger is dedicated to Miss Melanie Jayne Smith. A Sister in every sense of the world and the keeper of the threads of my  life that was not destroyed or stolen. Somebody, who is near and dear to my heart, and love eternally. 


This blog will be dedicated to Mel and my husband. All entries in WHEN THINGS GO BAD...to them.